I don’t even know where to start. I am sad, mad, angry, confused, hurt, shocked and every other emotion there possibly is. I would have never thought in a million years that this would have happened to me. Not because i feel like am perfect or anything in that sorts, but I don’t think anyone can think or imagine something like this happen to them nor does anyone want this to happen. It is by far one of the hardest things that I can ever go through.
This is only the beginning stage, I’m sure I will cry and hurt some more as this process finishes. Its so sad to think of what could have been but, can no longer be! This was exactly how I wanted everything to go. I wanted Madison to be oh so very close in age with this new little one but, obviously, God has other plans. It hurts because I truly thought this was God’s plan for me to have this baby… and I guess it was… it just took a different turn then what I had imagined.
Ladies who have gone through this more then once… I don’t even know what to say… because by me saying you are strong does not help one bit of what you are feeling or what you must have felt. But what I do know now is that you are not alone ( i am not alone). People can tell you over and over that it is better now then later on in pregnancy for this to happen (which is true), but anything or everything that anyone says cannot undo what I am or you are feeling. The process itself is so hard. Seeing and feeling your body get rid of this precious little thing that could have been is just beyond sadness.
YES, I know, i am truly very blessed that i already have 3 beautiful healthy baby girls. i am so very, very thankful for them and blessed to be able to have kids! but, this doesn’t make this process any easier, it still hurts… a lot.
God knows the plans he has for me and I know that he will turn this into good.
As mad as I was at Him and angry, deep down inside, I know, His way is the best way. He knows what my future awaits me and my family. I cant see my future but He can, so that is why He knows what is best for me in the long run. I will always trust in him even through the storms because I know he brings sunshine in the end results.